我的自我探索之路

#作品故事   ∞  October, 2019

Self-portrait – Who Am I

有時候,連我自己也困惑我是誰。

Sometimes I confuse who I am.

住在英國至今兩年半,國外的生活改變了我的生活各個層面,包括職涯、價值觀甚至個性。感覺我正處於一個自我轉型的過程中。在異鄉自由的空氣之中,我大量接收歐洲各國與英文世界的文化與思想,也有更多時間和勇氣去嘗試許多新的事情。於是,我的世界尺度被千百倍的拓寬了。我更暸解我喜歡什麼,不喜歡什麼。我更暸解我的潛能在哪,力量與極限又在哪。我也更深暸解自己的特質,且更有勇氣去展現出來。

After living in the U.K, my life has been changed dramatically, which has profound effects on my career, what I believe and personality. I am feeling I am in the process of self-reformation because I have more time to try out plenty of new things here and discover myself. I know more what I like/dislike. I know more where my strength/weakness and potentials are. I also know more about my characteristics and have more courage to showcase them.

然而,轉變成新版本的我,可能會使以前認識我的人感到錯愕或驚訝,尤其在台灣的親友們。他們可能會感覺陌生,覺得我似乎跟以前的我比起來是那麼的不同。但即便我可能改變了很多,我知道我的本質還是一樣的。那些新展露出來的東西,他們從前也是我的一部份,只是可能,以前的我覺得彆扭而隱藏了他們。而現在,我有更多勇氣和時間,用自己的方式去展現出來,並持續發展他們。

However, the new version of me might surprise my old friends a lot, especially those in my hometown, Taiwan. They probably feel strange because they might feel not familiar with me anymore, even though the essential parts of me have never been changed. Some parts of me might be hidden in the past because I was too shy sometimes. But now I have more courage to showcase them and keep developing them.

我喜歡這個不斷向外、向內自我探索,且更勇於表現的自己。有時候我會竊喜於別人的驚呼,但有時候這些驚呼也會讓我感到害怕,擔心不曉得別人會怎麼評論我,並因此質疑自己:我到底是誰。

From my personal angle, on the one hand, I am happy to explore myself more. But on the other hand, I also worry about the judgments of people.

因此,在我的第一幅自畫像(也是我第一幅畫在帆布上的創作),我畫了一個困惑又害怕的自己,一個想知道「我究竟是誰」、「別人又是怎麼看我」的一個誠惶誠恐的女孩。而周圍那些華美但不懷好意的魚類,代表的是真實或者我自己想像出來的評論。

In my very first self-portrait, actually my first canvas works as well, I scream out this confusion and fear related to the two enquires running through my mind, “who am I “and “how do the others see me”? The vicious marine lives surrounding me represent the real or imagined judgments from people.

(寫於 2019 年作品完成時。

Written in 2019 when this work was just been finished in the U.K.)

壓克力顏料,帆布

Acrylic on canvas, 30cm x 40cm, 2019

▪ 本作品為藝術家自己收藏。

This work is not available, which is hold by the artist.

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